Worry

I quit my job Monday because they didn't give me any hours--I worked 1 real shift in 3 weeks. I have high hopes the doctors' office will re-hire me, but I haven't received official word. I have no idea where the money for my tuition is going to come from. I have no clue how it will be possible for me to go to Bethel next year... I don't even know what to do.

Always Remember

"Never doubt in the darkness what God has shown you in the light." --David Winter

There's been a lot of death lately, and I'm not just talking about celebrities. In the past month or so, I just feel like there's been so much loss in people's lives. There were some siblings I used to swim with in high school, and their mom passed away two years ago. Their dad died this weekend...there are 8 kids, the youngest in 2nd grade. The 24 year old moved home and is paying the bills and taking care of the kids. My heart just aches for them, and for everyone who's experienced such terrible loss.

I was talking to my friend Jamie about how sad I was for people and how it was hard to not think about it sometimes, and she offered this wonderful advice: Always remember God's goodness to you in the past.

I immediately reflected on the past year and the word "grace" automatically came to mind. This year, God spared Kortney's life, and He healed my dad's body of cancer. God restored friendships I never thought could be restored, and He put the most wonderfully encouraging and godly people in my life to help me get through the year.

It was the hardest year of my life. I experienced a lot of heartache and grief...but I've gotten to a point where I'm so thankful for all that happened because of how much I've learned about God. I understand words like "grace" so much better. I understand God's love and provision so much more. How could I lose sight of that?

It's okay to be sad for people and to have a heavy heart, but it can't get to the point where my view of God's goodness is clouded by grief. God is good all the time. His will is perfect always. If it's hard to put hope in God's promises for the future, then just look to the past at all He's already done for you. Always remember.

Settling

I've recently been hit with the fact that I'm settling in a lot of ways. This summer, I had one major goal: to follow God's will for my life. I chose not to take a full time job, because I didn't want to make myself too busy (as I'm prone to do) so I could have more freedom to do whatever God called me to do.

I loved the idea of being so open to God's calling. I would have more time to read my Bible, I would have time to invest in friendships, I would have time to find a church I liked and get involved. I felt that I would be able to say yes to whatever God wanted me to do.

I was so excited when I heard about a ministry opportunity in Korea. I thought surely this was what God had planned for me--it was perfect. I applied and anxiously awaited a response. Then...I found out I didn't even get an interview. I had started to base my summer on the hope of going to Korea, sure that that was my purpose. When it wasn't, I began to doubt whether God would use me at all.

Since I received the news about Korea, I have been unsatisfied in a lot of ways. I've felt a sort of loss of purpose. I have all this free time, and spend it sleeping, reading, and complaining about how I have nothing to do. I question God's plans for me. Now I know that isn't how God wanted me to spend my summer, so why have I been settling?

I looked up "waiting" in my Bible's concordance today, hoping for answers. In the mentioned verses, the people waited patiently, quietly, confidently, and eagerly. Meanwhile, I've been waiting impatiently and with a sour attitude.

My eyes were opened last night when I read a section of Erwin McManus' book Wide Awake, which I highly recommend by the way. In it, he said "Faith is not the Christian version a wish. It is not about speaking something into reality. Faith is different...It's about knowing what has not happened will certainly happen. Not because you will make it happen but because God has promised it will be so. It's a conviction about things unseen. It's a promise of a better world, a better future--a better you."

I have a God that promises to be with me always, to give me a hope and a future, to provide for me, to forgive me, to love me unconditionally, and to comfort me. All he asks of me is to follow Him and his will for my life...and I can't even do that without questioning? My dad reminded me that the point of praying is not to get answers, but to communicate with our Savior. Just because Korea didn't work out doesn't mean God won't use me somehow. Boy, I've had it all wrong...

Restoration

God is still here
He won't leave your side
He'll take all your hurt
and restore you inside

Let Him heal your hurt
Let Him take your pain
Once you let go
You have so much more to gain

Put your hope in the Lord
Put your hurt in the past
Live for each day
Bless those in your path

This life is too short
to keep a hard heart
Don't deny others loves
Because it made you fall apart

He wasn't the one
and that's really okay
You'll heal and you'll learn
and you'll thank him one day

People will let you down
They always do
But your God is faithful
and has big plans for you

Freedom

The weary Traveler felt the pressure of the weight of his pack. He had a long journey still ahead of him, but he refused to put it down. "I can do it," he would assure himself. "It will only make me stronger." He traveled for years with the same pack. It had once seemed very small, but was now growing to unbearable proportions. However, poor Traveler had no desire to ask for help. After all, this was his burden to bear.

The path he was taking quickly approached a rather dark and ominous mountain. Due to the mountain's vast base, Traveler quickly assessed that the quickest route was indeed to climb over the mountain. He wondered for a moment how he would climb the mountain with such a heavy pack, but he allowed the thought to pass. He could do it, and when he did, everyone would be so impressed with what he had accomplished.

He started to climb. It was easy at first, but then the mountain grew steep, the temperatures grew cold, and Traveler's heart grew bitter. "WHY IS THIS SO HOPELESS?" he screamed aloud. He could hear his echo in the surrounding mountains. He was all alone. There was no one to help him over the mountain. Traveler put his head in his hands and began to cry. "I should have found my own way around the mountain," he thought angrily.

No said a voice barely above a whisper. There's a better way...Put your bag down.

"I can't," cried Traveler. "I must carry it. I can't just leave it here!"

My child, the voice responded softly, it was never yours to carry. Put it down.

"But who will carry it?"

I will. My plan for you is much better than this. Let me help you, dear child.

Traveler reluctantly began to unstrap his bag. One by one, he took every piece out of his pack and laid it on the ground. Then slowly, he stood up and continued on the path given him. Somehow he had the comforting sense that things would only go up from there. Freedom.

I really struggle with handing over my burdens to God. Sometimes I like to pretend I can handle everything on my own...and I mean everything. God has really been teaching me that sometimes handing over my problems and trusting him with them has to be a daily thing. Each day, I need to wake up and remind myself that my Creator is in complete control and that if I try to take control, I miss out on the plans God has for me. He never intended for us journey through life with heavy burdens. He wants us to live in the freedom of his grace! Walk in freedom, friends.