Poetry

We were asked to write poems about Dawn for one of my elementary education classes...It's probably the most enjoyable homework I've had in a long time, so I thought I'd share:-)

Dawn

Dawn
Dawn peaks out from behind the mountains
Eager to show her bright face
The pond reflects her dazzling light;
Her sparkling beams and rays

The sky is splashed with pinks and blues
His canvas is a lovely sight
Dawn adds the touch his painting needs
To make it look just right

The mountains greet the brand new dawn
Basking in the warmth she lays
The night has bid farewell once more
Making room for the lovely day

What's your name?

I know I've been writing quite frequently about remembering all the good Christ has done for us, but I'm going to again. I went to Kellar Park Church today, and the pastor spoke on that very topic. Coincidence? Probably not. God knows it takes me a while to get stuff sometimes;-)

The pastor talked about how to remind yourself of God's goodness when you can't feel his presence at all. He talked about how in biblical times, even people's names were meaningful in reminding them of God. That really got me thinking about my name and what it means. I don't think my parents named me Traci simply because they liked the name. I think they also liked the meaning of it.

I've looked up my name meaning, and have found a few different ones, but I think they all describe me in some way. In one (and you'll probably find this laughable), my name means "warrior." At first, I thought that was ridiculous because I'm such a non-confrontational person. But then I started to think about it differently. I am an extremely passionate person and will stand up for what I think is right. When people call me by name, maybe that is my reminder from God that I am his warrior. What am I fighting for? Who am I fighting for? Am I fighting for the right reasons? It's an important reminder...

The second name meaning is "industrious," which I find very fitting. I love to be involved in everything and work hard. I also tend to overcommit. When someone says my name, is that God's little reminder that I'm supposed to be working hard for his glory and not my own?

The last name meaning I found is actually something from a certificate of sorts I have hanging in my room. It says my name means "Diligent Harvester, " and the corresponding verse is found in John 4:35: "...behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white and already to harvest." I think this is my reminder that people in this world are ready to hear God's word--I just need to change my outlook and realize it. I can't look around and see the world as condemned. That is not what God calls me to do. My own name should remind me of that.

So what's your name? Are you living up to it?

Television

Since the invasion of the flu virus, I have had little else to do but watch television. I normally do not watch TV, and today I realized why....there's really just nothing on! We have over 500 channels, and still, I cannot find something worth watching. Why do I want to know what celebrities are pregnant and wearing bikinis? Why do I want to watch what the Kardashians do in their day-to-day lives as I sit on my couch doing nothing? Today, I discovered a show called "Is She Really Going Out with Him?" It's about nice girls who go out with guys who cheat on them and treat them like crap. So it's basically girls with no standards who are willing to date guys who are tools...and they pain they all suffer as a result. Wow. TV rocks.

I remember

I distinctly remember Anneke and I hiding in her closet making prank phone calls to her mom's business and trying unsuccessfully to stifle our giggles. I remember staying up late and sneaking out of her room to get a snack when we were supposed to be asleep. I remember building forts in her basement using ugly, floral sheets and furniture. I remember the time we put soap all over the floor of a public bathroom because it was dirty and we wanted to help by cleaning it...when really the soaping resulted in lots of people falling on the slippery (but clean) floor.

I remember finding out her family was moving to Colorado, and how I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I remember promising we'd be best friends forever and making plans to talk to each other as much as possible. There were long phone calls almost every week and visits every summer.

I remember the sinking feeling in my stomach when I found out she'd started cutting herself...and how things between us were never quite the same after that. I remember being a helpless 7th grader with no clue how to be there for her.

Remembering makes me sad sometimes. I haven't talked to Anneke consistently in about 3 years. Her mom e-mailed me today asking me to pray for Anneke. She struggles with drug addiction and has already had a friend die from a heroine overdose. She's been in rehab, but can't manage to stay clean. She probably has no clue how much Jesus loves her...

I once again find myself feeling like a helpless 7th grader with no clue how to face the struggles ahead... Remembering makes me sad sometimes.

Time to Start Living

Church on Sunday was wonderful. I didn't feel I connected much with the message that morning, yet God still spoke to me so much through the music and a woman named Carolyn who prayed with me after service. I could almost hear Jesus saying: I died that you may have life. It's time for you to start living!

It was one of those days where things you already know becomes like new again. Maybe I'm just stupid and forgetful, but I love the fact that, in spite of that, God will continue to remind me of his love. Always. It's time to start living, folks. Don't allow your fears to paralyze you!

Worry

I quit my job Monday because they didn't give me any hours--I worked 1 real shift in 3 weeks. I have high hopes the doctors' office will re-hire me, but I haven't received official word. I have no idea where the money for my tuition is going to come from. I have no clue how it will be possible for me to go to Bethel next year... I don't even know what to do.

Always Remember

"Never doubt in the darkness what God has shown you in the light." --David Winter

There's been a lot of death lately, and I'm not just talking about celebrities. In the past month or so, I just feel like there's been so much loss in people's lives. There were some siblings I used to swim with in high school, and their mom passed away two years ago. Their dad died this weekend...there are 8 kids, the youngest in 2nd grade. The 24 year old moved home and is paying the bills and taking care of the kids. My heart just aches for them, and for everyone who's experienced such terrible loss.

I was talking to my friend Jamie about how sad I was for people and how it was hard to not think about it sometimes, and she offered this wonderful advice: Always remember God's goodness to you in the past.

I immediately reflected on the past year and the word "grace" automatically came to mind. This year, God spared Kortney's life, and He healed my dad's body of cancer. God restored friendships I never thought could be restored, and He put the most wonderfully encouraging and godly people in my life to help me get through the year.

It was the hardest year of my life. I experienced a lot of heartache and grief...but I've gotten to a point where I'm so thankful for all that happened because of how much I've learned about God. I understand words like "grace" so much better. I understand God's love and provision so much more. How could I lose sight of that?

It's okay to be sad for people and to have a heavy heart, but it can't get to the point where my view of God's goodness is clouded by grief. God is good all the time. His will is perfect always. If it's hard to put hope in God's promises for the future, then just look to the past at all He's already done for you. Always remember.